


Find Me

by Mimm



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-10 00:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7823509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimm/pseuds/Mimm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom, Tuvok and Chakotay crash-land on a planet during a shuttle flight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissHammer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissHammer/gifts).



> Your letter wasn't open so I used the previous ones to get an idea of what you'd like. I played with a few ideas here and there, adding my own twist to them.

"It wasn't my fault!" Tom cried. "When I say I can fly anything I'm talking within reasonable conditions. This isn't reasonable!"

As if to punctuate his words, they heard a lightning struck and it lit up the already flashing cloud-filled sky. The electric storm above them looked like an impenetrable ceiling, without a single sign of the fact that they had just fallen through it.

"Mr Paris, nobody is blaming you," Tuvok said in his never-wavering manner as he brushed off bits of debris from his sleeve.

"But even if you were," Tom said, still sitting down where he had fallen, "don't. I did try to land this thing."

"We know," Chakotay said, dabbing at the corner of his eye with his fingers. He was bleeding. "And look at us, we're on land. You did it."

Tom gave a snort that immediately turned into a grunt. Something wasn't right. The shock of crash-landing on a foreign planet had taken his mind off himself, but now he was starting to get painfully aware of the intense pain in his thigh.

"Damn, where's the medkit," he said looking around, hissing as the movement made the pain worse.

"Are you badly injured?" Chakotay asked while searching for the medkit. He found it and gave it to Tom, kneeling down next to him.

"I don't think so," Tom said, cringing as he opened the kit in search of a hypospray. "But my leg is killing me."

Chakotay put his hands on Tom's left ankle.

"This one? Where does it hurt most?" he asked as he moved upwards along the leg to check for wounds, careful not to put too much pressure on it.

"There," Tom hissed as Chakotay reached his knee.

"Did you twist your knee?"

"Probably, yeah, but I don't mean the knee. Just don't try getting further up or I'll throw this in your face," he said, holding up the hypospray. "Damn that hurts," he continued, throwing his head back. The painkillers didn't seem to work nearly as fast as he would have hoped.

"You might have broken something," Chakotay said, and Tom sighed. He had come to the same conclusion. He had had his share of bruises and fractures and knew this wasn't just a bruise.

Next to Chakotay, Tuvok was holding a tricorder and scanning his leg.

"Seems you are correct. I detect two fractures, one a rather deep one."

Chakotay nodded towards the medkit in Tom's hands.

"Give me that. Lean back and try to relax."

Tom was glad to shift the responsibility. He didn't make for a good doctor, he wouldn't even make for a very good nurse, and now trying to be both a doctor and a patient at once wasn't going well at all.

Tom could feel the dermal regenerator moving above his leg, fixing the bruises, and despite the tingling it caused it wasn't unpleasant.

"You're going to need to stay still as much as possible. No trying to be a hero, no standing up because you think you can, none of that."

"Yes, sir," Tom said, trying to smile.

"Do we have anything for a splint?" Chakotay asked Tuvok.

"None that I can think of. Perhaps I should go out and look for something?" Tuvok replied. "I can inspect the surroundings as well."

Chakotay was silent for a while, glancing at the environmental suits.

"Well, the air should be nontoxic and pose no threat. I'm not enthusiastic about that storm, though." He looked up at the shuttle ceiling as if he could see through it.

"I doubt I need to go very far."

"Very well. But be careful. I'll see what I can do here," Chakotay finally said. "Just keep in regular contact and report anything out of the ordinary. Can't have you disappearing on us."

With a nod, Tuvok left them.

There came a slightly sweet smell as he opened the shuttle door and closed it behind him, and Tom breathed deep as he leaned against the wall. The pain was finally subsiding, turning into a constant but bearable throbbing.

"All right," Chakotay said. "I suppose we need to try contacting Voyager to let them know what we've gotten ourselves into."

"I'm sensing blame," Tom said without opening his eyes.

"You're hallucinating," Chakotay said.

"I'd better be," Tom said, smiling.

*

After what felt like several hours, Tom woke up to a sound. The shuttle door opened and Tuvok returned, holding three long, red pieces of something under his right arm.

"The local trees you mentioned?" Chakotay asked, standing up. He reached for one of the pieces and turned it around in his hands. Despite the odd colour, it looked like wood.

"What's it like out there?" Tom asked Tuvok. He had only heard the first comments Tuvok had made via comm link, telling everything looked fine and that he would head north along the side of the nearby forest. Then Tom had dozed off.

"It doesn't seem the lightnings reach the ground. Temperature is moderate, air is indeed breathable, and I saw a small body of water nearby. Also," he said finishing his list, "there are no locals around that I could detect."

"So you're saying it's ok."

"In a word, yes."

"We may have to go out again," Chakotay said joining their little conversation. "I've tried contacting Voyager but nothing seems to get through. We have no way of telling them of our location and condition."

Tuvok nodded.

"It will take at least three days before they start to wonder where we are and why we haven't arrived at the rendezvous point. It will easily take another day or two for them to get here, possibly longer."

"What are you suggesting?" Tom asked. "Leaving me here while you abandon ship?"

"One of us has to look for a spot where the signal gets through. If we don't find one, we'll just have to sit and wait. Or..." Chakotay said but didn't finish.

"Or what?" Tom asked.

"Sir," Tuvok said. "With due respect, the captain would not like it."

"I know. I'm hoping it won't come to that."

"To what?" Tom asked, a little irritated now. Had he hurt his head as well or were the other two being unusually cryptic?

"Contacting the locals," Chakotay said. "They can't have a settlement on their moon by accident. They might not have warp technology but they must know of a way to penetrate that cloud."

"Ah. Prime Directive. Yeah, I can see how that would upset the captain."

"Let's hope we won't have to upset her, then," Chakotay said.

Tom was starting to feel lightheaded again. He looked up at the other two, both standing as if they hadn't been in the same crash with him. It didn't seem fair.

"Hey," he said. "Was there by chance any food out there?"

"I did not check," Tuvok replied. "We have rations."

"I know that," Tom said. "I'd just prefer anything else. The taste isn't quite there."

"Nutrition requires no taste to be nutritious."

As usual, there was no point in arguing with the man's rock solid logic.

"Well, just in case, keep an eye out for something edible while you're out there."

Chakotay interrupted them, holding up one red piece of wood.

"Before anyone goes anywhere, we need to fix your leg. Tuvok didn't get these for nothing."

"Looking forward to that," Tom said, already feeling a sting in his leg.

Chakotay was clearly trying his best to be as delicate as possible but it still hurt. Tom hadn't expected it to be painless, but the painkillers were helping less than he would have liked. Once it was done and his leg was secured, he let out a long sigh of relief and wiped the few droplets of cold sweat off his forehead. Chakotay leaned in and pressed the hypospray against his neck, then stood up.

"There. I think we should eat now, before you sleep," he said. "We should also decide which one of us leaves. I'd be happy to go. I doubt these woods are very different from those back home. Except for the colouring."

"I am also willing to go," Tuvok said. "I found the air quite refreshing."

"Maybe we should toss a coin," Chakotay said with a half smirk.

"Hey now, don't everybody stay with me at once!" Tom said, distressed. "Maybe you should both go. I'm sure I'll manage dying on my own just fine."

"Sorry, Tom," Chakotay said, still looking amused. "Let's just eat first and discuss later."

Tom's leg felt better now. Maybe he would soon be able to even get up for a while. He would like that. Then he could go and try collecting his own berries. Or fruit or mushrooms or whatever it was this planet had to offer for food.

*

It didn't come to a coin toss. After a brief conversation they came to the conclusion that it would be best if Chakotay ventured out into the woods, taking enough equipment and food with him to last him a few nights if needed.

Meanwhile, Tuvok would stay behind to see what he could do about fixing the damage the shuttle had suffered in the crash. Tom may not have been able to walk around just yet, but he had two functioning hands and could contribute by focusing on fixing the console and finding a way to boost their signal power.

Everything went well for the first half a day. Chakotay reported his findings every couple of hours, though so far his findings had mostly consisted of intriguing plants and wildlife. By nightfall he had already walked a fair amount and reached an opening.

No luck. The cloud was still just as impenetrable. Tuvok was concerned about the fact that the comm signal seemed to be breaking, getting worse the further away Chakotay was.

Before Tom fell asleep, he heard Chakotay and Tuvok talk about a nearby mountain. Chakotay said he would try reaching the mountain and climbing as high as he could. It would take several hours, he said, maybe even a whole day to get there. The last words Tom could remember were of Chakotay reassuring Tuvok that even if the signal broke, he would be fine.

*

"Have you heard from him?" Tom asked when he woke up.

"He reported a while ago, yes," Tuvok said, turning to look at Tom. It didn't seem like he had been sleeping at all.

"Anything?"

"No."

Tom tried to push himself up on his own, but it was difficult with the clumsy splint he had and he winced. Tuvok noticed this and came to him, wrapping his arm around Tom's waist and helping him up, offering him the makeshift walking stick Tom had carved out of the wood earlier.

"Thanks," Tom said, leaning against the stick while he limped his way out to the edge of the forest, to a private spot, out of Tuvok's sight.

His leg was hurting but he had almost gotten used to the pain by now. The painkillers helped, but he had noticed that they were starting to run out already. He made a mental note of refilling the hypospray to the fullest the next time they went out on a mission. If there was a next time.

Limping back to the shuttle, he saw Tuvok lying on his back, his head inside an opened console. There was something calming about looking at him working, focused and silent, in a way he rarely worked when Tom was around. Usually he was standing at his post on the bridge, handling the screens and buttons, or giving him and the others orders on a field mission.

"Need a hand?" he asked.

"Not at the moment," Tuvok replied without looking at him.

The pain seemed very tolerable and Tom didn't feel like sitting down again.

"Do you mind if I take a short walk?" he asked instead.

This made Tuvok stop what he was doing.

"A walk?"

"Well, whatever this is I do with this stick. I could use some fresh air."

"In that case," Tuvok replied, reaching for another tool from beside him.

"I won't go far."

"I trust you."

A walk was probably a good idea. Tuvok didn't seem to be in a chatty mood and it would be a while before Chakotay contacted them again.

He missed Harry.

*

It was the fourth day since they had crash-landed. The day they had been scheduled to rendezvous with Voyager had come and gone, and if they were right Voyager should now be on its way to check what was holding them up. The fact that there hadn't been any attempt at contact indicated the cloud may have blocked the signal both ways.

There wasn't a whole lot Tom and Tuvok could do about the shuttle. What had been broken was now fixed, and they had run out of spare parts they needed to amplify their outgoing signal. Until they could figure out an alternative method, they were forced to wait for either Chakotay or Voyager to make the next move.

Tom wasn't known for his patience. Coupled with the irritation that came from having constant leg pain, it wasn't a good combination. He had been forced to ration his painkillers now, but despite this it was running much too low for his liking. To avoid any unwanted arguments with Tuvok, he tried to keep out of the man's way as much as he could when the pain was at its worst.

He couldn't walk very far because of the uneven terrain, but there was a little path leading deeper into the forest that didn't feel too difficult to use, and he often went there to sit and listen to the distant crackling coming from the flashing skies, a sound that was sometimes accompanied by a high-pitched chirring sound coming from the treetops. He had wondered at the source but had eventually come to the conclusion that it had to be a small animal or possibly an insect.

To his disappointment, there didn't seem to be anything edible in the bushes lining the forest. At least not the ones he had seen during his short walks. Since Chakotay had mentioned berries during one of his contacts, Tom knew there had to be some, but they were out of his reach until his leg got better. At the rate it was healing, or rather not healing, he would never get a chance to see what the berries looked like, let alone what they tasted like.

Every now and then he would notice that the air smelled slightly sweeter than what he was used to, but those moments came and went. Sometimes he wondered if maybe the air was getting to his head somehow, because there were moments when he felt like he wasn't quite himself, but it was never an unpleasant feeling.

He was having one of those spells now and he breathed deep, tasting the air. He felt a drop on his cheek, then another one.

They hadn't had rain yet. He hadn't even thought of the possibility. The storm was above them night and day and it felt like the sky was permanently cloudy; like it was the normal state of this planet. Now he could definitely feel little wet droplets falling on his face. It wasn't quite drizzle yet but he had no experience of rain on this planet, so he didn't know if they were in for a thunder storm and hail and floods or if this was actually the worst it got. With effort, he pushed himself up from where he was sitting and started making his way towards the shuttle.

"Just what we needed," he said as he reached the shuttle and stepped in, but Tuvok wasn't in there. "Tuvok?"

He turned and looked around but he couldn't see Tuvok. Gripping tighter at the walking stick, he hopped around the shuttle until he was behind it, and he saw it.

Tuvok was sitting on the sandy ground wearing his stained undershirt and trousers, arms bare, legs crossed. He had his back towards Tom so Tom couldn't see his expression, but he was sitting so still he must have been in a state of deep concentration.

"Tuvok?" Tom tried. "It looks like it's starting to rain. Tuvok? Are you ok?"

A few more drops of water hit Tom's face and his lips, and it tasted sweet like the air, if not a tiny bit sweeter.

"I am fine," came Tuvok's response, and now the man moved a little. "I will be right there. Now please let me finish this."

Tom shrugged but didn't leave. He looked at Tuvok, wondering how he could ignore the rain. It was coming down a little heavier now and Tom could feel his shoulders getting damp. He wanted to ask Tuvok to join him before he caught a cold but then decided the man was probably old enough to decide for himself, so he headed back towards the shuttle and left the door open behind him.

It took an unexpectedly long time before Tuvok followed him to the shuttle, and when he did his face was wet and he had a strange expression. The fact that he even had a clear expression on his face was unusual in itself.

"If I didn't know any better," Tom began. "I'd say you were worried. But that can't be it, can it? Vulcans don't worry."

Tuvok looked at him and flinched. He looked like someone who had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing.

"Not as such," Tuvok said, regaining his composure. He took off his shirt, baring his torso, and threw it aside before picking up his jacket.

"What is it?" Tom asked.

"Nothing you can help with."

"Ok, now I know something's wrong."

"Please, do not inquire any further."

"Is it Chakotay? Have you heard from him?"

Tuvok frowned, looking confused. "Chakotay? No, I have not heard from him. This is not about him," he snapped.

The tone of his voice was clearly agitated now and Tom didn't dare to say another word.

"I'm tired," Tuvok finally said like a man trying to settle an argument. "I apologize."

"No, it's fine," Tom said, even when he knew it wasn't fine, and he suspected Tuvok knew it too. "Maybe we should rest."

"We should," Tuvok said, sitting down in the spot where he used to sleep and leaning against the wall, closing his eyes. He still looked agitated but Tom couldn't figure out why, and he was too afraid to ask.

Instead, Tom sat down in his own spot, biting his tongue and trying not to show how much he hurt. He picked up a tablet and ran the same calculations for the tenth time, hoping he could see something he had missed before, something that would help them with their signal power issue. There had to be a way.

He tried to concentrate on the tablet but every few moments he glanced in Tuvok's direction, wondering what was going on. There was also another issue that made him restless, something he didn't want to think about. This wasn't the right time and place. Once again he found himself missing Harry, for several reasons.

Outside, the rain grew stronger, falling on the shuttle and creating a low hum.

*

It was still raining when Tom woke up. He expected Tuvok to be awake but he was lying on the floor, his back towards Tom, presumably asleep. Tom tried to get up as quietly as possible. The walking stick slipped out of his hand and clanked on the floor, and Tom cursed under his breath.

"There's no need to be quiet."

So, Tuvok had been awake. Or at least he was awake now.

"You want breakfast?" Tom asked, unsure of whether he should address the events from the previous night or pretend like none of it had happened.

Tuvok sat up, fixing the crumples on his suit, and nodded.

"I must apologize for my behaviour," he said before Tom had even had time to offer him his share. "It was very un-Vulcan of me."

"Hey, no harm done," Tom said. "I'm sure this place gets to anyone after a while."

"Places do not 'get to' Vulcans, Mr Paris."

"Ah. Yes."

"How is your leg?" Tuvok said, clearly wanting to change the subject.

"Same."

"Let me know if it gets worse."

"I will."

They both concentrated on eating breakfast in silence.

*

Tom had known it was only a matter of time before he ran out of painkillers but it still happened too soon.

Tuvok had asked if he would manage. Every time he had asked, Tom had nodded, trying to appear more confident than he felt. There was no use in whining about it, he thought, so he continued as if everything was fine. He was hoping that concentrating on the shuttle's communications system would distract him enough to take the edge off, but it didn't seem to work.

He found that avoiding Tuvok's company made things easier, because then he didn't have to pretend like his leg wasn't throbbing the way it was. He should have known that it wouldn't last long. With just the two of them to keep each other company, contact was inevitable.

Tom was sitting by the small lake they had been using to clean themselves up, looking down at the calm, unbroken surface. He wondered if the lake had any fish in it, or maybe crabs or something else they could use for food.

He touched the surface with his fingertips, making little ripples, then took a palmful of water and splashed it on his face.

He leaned forward and started folding up his trouser legs. The first one went fine, but when he tried ot reach for the other one he felt a sharp pain shooting up and he cursed.

"You lied," he heard Tuvok's words from behind him, and Tom turned around sharply. Tuvok had snuck up on him so quietly it was unnerving. There was a hint of accusation in his voice.

Tom looked at him, putting up a front of ease and good humour.

"About what?" he asked, feigning cluelessness.

"I'm sure you know," Tuvok said. "You're no more a fool than I am."

"Ah," Tom said, looking down at his leg. "Well. Yes. I may have tweaked the truth a little."

He turned to look at the lake again.

"A little?"

"Okay, more than a little, but it was for a good cause."

"And what cause might that be, pray tell?" Tuvok said, stepping closer to stand right next to him, his leg almost touching Tom's shoulder. Tom glanced up at him.

"I," he began, then thought for a moment. "I didn't think this was any of your concern."

"I may not feel your pain, but I assure it concerns me as well."

"All right," Tom said, now with more confidence. "I'll just say it. I am just about ready to cut my leg off if it helped with the pain. Which is stupid, I know, because I'm pretty sure it would hurt even more."

"Yes, I believe that would be inadvisable," Tuvok said, then paused. "However, there is another solution."

"There is?" Tom asked, surprised.

"It isn't something I would normally offer to do, but it went well the last time, and I do believe in making sacrifices for the common good. "

"What's with the sudden grandeur? What are we talking, blood sacrifice?"

"I will not dignify that with an answer."

"Sorry. Blood loss, lack of rest, pain, take your pick. Please, if you have any way of helping me, tell me."

Tuvok seemed hesitant to answer, standing there in silence instead. It didn't take long before Tom figured out what the solution had to be.

"Wow," he said softly. "You sure you want to come here again?" he asked, pointing a finger up at his face. "My mind's not a neatly organized place and you know that."

"It's not a matter of wanting but rather that of necessity."

It wasn't meant as an insult and Tom didn't take it as such.

"And you think it will help?"

"I believe I can help you with the pain, yes," Tuvok said.

"I know I said I'm ready to cut off my leg but that's just talk. I wouldn't want you to do anything against your will just for my sake."

"It wouldn't be."

Tom considered Tuvok's words and weighed between his options. Tuvok didn't sound very eager to perform a mind meld, but he had offered it on his own. On the other hand, he could still remember the first time they had shared a mind. It had been an interesting experience and it had saved him, but it had also taken its toll on both of them.

"Voyager might get here by tomorrow," he said, looking up at the ever-moving clouds. "This might be unnecessary. I'm sure I can handle the pain until then if I must."

"I will not force you," Tuvok said.

"Oh, it's not that. I feel like I might be forcing you."

"You're not," Tuvok said. "I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't willing to do it."

There was another pause. Tom rubbed his leg that was itching, grimacing at the pain, and looked up at Tuvok who had a look of determination on his face.

He took a deep breath.

"Let's do it, then."

*

Tuvok had a look of heavy concentration when he placed his fingers on Tom's face, one by one, in their right spots. He had explained what he would do, and Tom knew what to expect, but this was still new territory for him. Last time had been different. The circumstances had been different, the surroundings had been different, the cause had been different.

Even underneath the pain, he was feeling nervous. Something might go wrong. It often didn't but maybe he was special. Maybe he was in for a string of bad luck, starting from the crash and ending with a mental breakdown.

He must have looked nervous on the outside as well, because Tuvok told him not to worry, and to relax and close his eyes. Tom would have preferred to look at Tuvok but did as he was told. The fingertips on his face felt warm and firm, but he felt nothing out of the ordinary.

Until he did. He felt like he wasn't alone. Like someone was there with him, a presence so close to him he couldn't tell whether the presence was inside him or next to him or if it was in fact him. It wasn't like touching someone but something more.

It didn't feel intrusive. It was rather pleasant, he thought, like having company in a lonely place. His rational mind told him to keep his personal thoughts to himself, but he could feel this rational part of him wavering a little. It didn't seem to matter whether he blocked his thoughts or not. He felt he could trust the other presence inside his mind.

His thoughts wandered back to Voyager, to his holodeck adventures with Harry, to the late nights they spent in each other's quarters, to the time before he had even heard of Voyager. Events, faces, emotions, all in a fluid chain. He wasn't actively trying to remember those events. It was more like someone was browsing his mind like a book, searching for something, looking into cracks and peeking around the corner.

He needed to focus on his pain, the presence said. For a moment he was confused, wondering what pain even meant, but then he could feel it again, that invisible but solid grip on his leg.

The pain was still there, but it was turning into something different. The presence, calming and pleasant, was shaping it into something else, something it normally wasn't.

 _You see the pain_ , the presence said. _It's in front of you and you see it, but there's a space between you, a chasm that grows wider. The further away you are, the less it matters._ Tom could feel the pain becoming irrelevant. He felt it but it didn't seem to matter anymore. Like it wasn't a part of him but separate.

The presence asked if he was fine, and he nodded. A moment later it was gone and Tom was alone in the dark again, his eyes closed. He felt disappointed.

Then he felt Tuvok's hand that was now resting on his shoulder, keeping them in contact even while they were apart. All he could concentrate on was the weight of that hand. He didn't want to open his eyes.

Finally when he did, his gaze was met by Tuvok's, only a few inches away from him.

"You have a curious mind," Tuvok finally said, brows slightly furrowed, taking his hand away. "I had forgotten that."

"Thank you," Tom said hesitantly, shifting in his place. "I think. Coming from you that sounds like a compliment."

"Merely an observation. How does your leg feel?"

Tom concentrated on the leg. There was pain, he could tell, but there was something peculiar about it. He tensed up the muscles and while it hurt, it didn't seem to matter that it did. He tried standing up and Tuvok offered him a hand, pulling him up. He held onto his walking stick but noticed he didn't need to lean against it to be able to stand.

"It feels good," he said, slightly surprised at his own words. "How do you do that?"

"I don't believe you would profit from a detailed description of what happens during a mind meld."

"Forget I asked," Tom said, shaking his head and reaching for Tuvok's arm to give it a squeeze. "Thank you." 

"You are most welcome," Tuvok replied with a small bow of his head.

*

It looked like an apple, Tom thought. Or maybe a watermelon. Round and green and red, the size neither that of an apple or a melon but something in between. He had no idea what it would taste like or if it was even edible, but he knew he wanted it. He wanted to taste _something_ after several days of inoffensive rations that kept his hunger away but were so bland he was starting to feel depressed.

There was just one problem. The fruit was far above his head, right at the top of the rock the burgundy vine was growing on, and the only way to get even close to it would be to climb the vine itself or the rock.

He tried to shoot the vine with his phaser, but instead of cutting the thick branches and freeing the fruit he only succeeded in getting a handful of little pebbles rain on him. He tried again and even more rubble fell on him.

What he should have done was to call for Tuvok, but instead he decided he would climb the rock himself, leg in splint and all. With the pain practically gone, how tough would it be?

He should have known it wouldn't work, but it still caught him by surprise when halfway up the rock he failed to secure his position, and instead of grasping at a strong branch he held onto a dry twig and fell, several feet of sharp stone wall scraping against his side before he hit the ground.

He could hear the sound he made during the fall, a sharp and loud yell, and it felt almost like someone else was shouting, not him.

*

Tuvok's eyes looked angry as they peered down at Tom. His mind still hazy, Tom wished the man would smile more. Then, with a clearer head, he realized he couldn't remember Tuvok coming there. He must have been unconscious. But there Tuvok was, clearly unamused by his latest stunt, and he felt guilty.

Maybe the scolding would come later, Tom thought as Tuvok pulled him up. This was followed by a white flash of shock and then a long line of curses when he realized that the pain in his broken leg was now doubled. At least. Tuvok's hold on him loosened a little and he faltered.

"I can't walk," Tom said, looking away because he felt tears forming in his eyes, mostly from pain, even when he tried hard to fight them. He was angry at himself, at his stupidity, at the crash, at the planet, at everything that had happened during the past week.

Tom's walking stick was a few steps further and Tuvok went to pick it up and gave it to Tom, then wrapped Tom's arm around his neck and pulled him closer, forcing him to lean on him.

Tom wanted to repeat that he couldn't walk, but Tuvok's determination made him keep his words to himself. Instead, he did his best to try and hop along Tuvok, every step just as painful as the previous one. Slowly they made it to the shuttle where he dropped onto the floor, panting, and raised an arm across his eyes to cover the fact that he'd been crying.

*

Tom heard a low hum and it took him a while to understand that it was raining again. He moved his hips, swore under his breath, and opened his eyes. Tuvok didn't seem to be there, and when Tom tried calling his name he got no answer.

Despite the pain that was now all over his leg and foot, Tom pushed himself up, congratulating himself on succeeding without either shouting or passing out. He picked up his comm link from the coat that was next to him and tapped it.

"Tuvok?"

Silence, then a slight crackle before a clear voice spoke.

"Yes?"

"Where are you?"

"Out."

Brief and to the point, as usual.

"Well, obviously, but--" Tom began, then stopped himself. "Never mind."

"Is there something you require?" Tuvok asked.

"No," Tom replied. "Do you mind if I eat?"

"No. I will be there soon."

"Okay. Good. Tom out," Tom said, cringing at his words. Maybe he had hit his head during the fall and just couldn't remember it.

After half an hour, he heard the shuttle door open, and Tuvok stepped inside, water dripping on the floor as he took off his environmental suit and hung it to dry.

"How are you?" Tuvok asked him.

"Alive," Tom said. "More or less."

"You were lucky. Despite the fall your fractures remain the same they were before. However, your ankle is faring worse."

Tom cringed. "Broken?"

"Fortunately, no. It should heal on its own if you let it rest and don't try putting any weight on it."

"Aye, doctor," Tom said, relieved by the relatively good news.

The atmosphere was tense. Tom felt guilty and Tuvok seemed to have something on his mind. Whatever it was, Tom knew better than to pry. He knew he was unlikely to get an answer.

He picked up the tablet and searched through the database for something to read.

*

The rain stopped after a few hours.

"Listen," Tom said. "I need to go. You know."

Tuvok nodded, focused on whatever he had on his own tablet. It took him a few seconds to look up. "Do you need assistance?"

"No," Tom said sharper than he intended. He hoped that he didn't. "I'm just informing you."

"Very well."

Tuvok's instructions to avoid putting any weight on the hurt ankle had been pointless. Even if Tom had wanted to put weight on it, there was no way he could, not without the foot immediately giving way.

It felt like a miracle to stand up, and in his mind he thanked the little wooden walking stick for being so trustworthy. When he opened the shuttle door, he could feel the cool and humid air on his skin, and he breathed in the sweetness of it.

The forest looked dark now, as the sun was setting. Soon it would be too dark for them to see anything out there without a proper light. He thought about Chakotay and wondered how he was doing. Another day came and went without a rescue. Maybe Voyager had already contacted him and picked him up, and it was only a matter of time before they came for him and Tuvok as well.

Although, it seemed unlikely. If they had saved Chakotay, it would mean they were be able to save the other two as well and since they hadn't... No, Chakotay was probably still on his own in the wilderness. It was a good thing he was seasoned and knew his way around nature. If anyone could survive out there with minimal equipment, it was Chakotay.

Tom revised the to-do list he had been keeping in his mind. He promised himself that once they got back to Voyager -- and he knew that they would -- he would work on his camping skills. He had already decided to better his medical skills. Also, if he could figure out a way to make their shuttle into a better one, he would.

*

The morning came sooner than Tom expected. He woke up to a clanking sound that came from Tuvok banging at the console and pulling out wires and crystals.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Testing a theory," Tuvok said but left it at that.

"Can I help?"

"No."

Feeling a little useless, Tom lifted his leg a little and made little circles in the air with his foot. It hurt, as expected, and the whole foot felt stiff, but it wasn't unbearable. Maybe he would come out as a winner with this one as well.

"Mind if I go out?" he asked.

Tuvok turned to look at him, brows raised.

"I can't be cooped up in here. I have no theories of my own to test and you won't let me help you with yours, so I'd rather try doing something fun."

"Fun?"

"You know what I mean," Tom said. "If you don't need me for anything, I might as well go find something else to do."

"If you insist."

"I do."

Tuvok considered his words for a while, then returned to his theory testing. Tom took that to mean yes and he got up, grunting and hissing and cursing as he did so.

He knew where he would go. He hadn't had much luck with the apple-melon-thing on the vine, but there were other options he could try. He limped his way to the edge of the forest and used his phaser to cut out a branch and clean it. From his pocket he pulled out a strip of wire and he knotted it to the other end of his new rod, pulling at it and looking at how it bended.

As he hopped towards the lake, he made stops to pick at the ground with his walking stick and his phaser, dirt flying as he created little craters here and there. There weren't worms anywhere to be seen, but he found little crawly things that would probably work.

When he reached the lake, he sat down, relieved by the fact that he had made it there with his leg still intact. He poked the wire through the belly of one of the insects and bent the other end to secure the bug in its place, then directed his makeshift fishing rod over the water, dipping the bug into the water, looking at the ripples on the surface.

He still didn't know if the lake held any fish in it, but he felt he would soon know. If it was indeed empty, at least he would have a nice time finding it out.

*

"What is that?" Tuvok asked him, frowning.

"I have no idea," Tom said, smiling widely. "Don't you think it looks a bit like an eel? It looks a bit lizardy, I know, but it doesn't have any legs. At least none that I can see."

"And what do you suppose you will do with that?"

"Eat it?" Tom said.

"You are aware that this creature might be on its evolutionary road into being the next ruler of this planet," Tuvok said, and Tom fought the urge to laugh.

"It's a legless lizard fish. How intelligent can it be?"

"Do not underestimate other species," Tuvok said, and Tom felt like he had just been scolded by a teacher.

"I don't. But come on, look at it."

"I am looking at it."

"I'm going to eat it," Tom said, determined.

"And if you are poisoned?"

"I'm sure you'll fix me."

"Don't be so sure."

Even when Tom had made his decision, there was still the matter of cooking the creature, because while he was eager to have his food taste like something again, he wasn't going to go the sushi way with something that wasn't even in Voyager's database.

Awkward as it was, he hopped around the familiar path, leaning down to pick up dry twigs and combing the vegetation to find dry hay that would burn easily. When he thought he had enough, he cursed his way back to the shuttle and dropped the firewood on the ground where the critter was lying.

Lighting up the firewood with his phaser was the easier part. The smoke that soon filled the air was slightly bitter, a noticeable contrast to the sweet air, but it wasn't unpleasant.

Even when Tuvok had been against this dinner, Tom didn't bring it up when the man joined him and sat beside him.

"Wish we had marshmallows," Tom said, holding onto the stick with his soon-to-be-dinner and making sure it didn't touch the fire.

"Perhaps we could make adjustments to the rations for next time," Tuvok said, and now it was Tom's turn to raise his brows.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked. "You sound positively... positive."

"Must a Vulcan be solemn all the time?"

"No, no, I'm not saying that," Tom said. "It's just a little unusual."

He turned to look at the fire, the warmth coming off it hot on his face and eyes, the occasional crackling sending out little sparks that flew in the air for a moment before dying out.

This wasn't so bad.

When he thought the creature was cooked enough to be eaten, he pulled it close to his face and inhaled. It didn't smell like fish. He poked at it with his finger, the skin hot to touch, and waited for it to cool down a bit.

It didn't taste very good, he thought to himself, but he wouldn't admit it to Tuvok. Bland, he said instead. Nothing to write home about. When asked if he would like to try it too, Tuvok shook his head.

If Neelix had been there, he might have been able to prepare it better, but at least it tasted different from their rations. Tom still wished he could have reached that mystery fruit. It probably tasted a lot better than this.

The fire burned for two more hours and Tom spent them sitting next to it, looking at it, focusing on the dancing yellow curves that died out and turned into bright orange embers and later into black and grey and ash. All the while, Tuvok sat next to him, doing the same.

*

"How badly does it hurt?"

Startled, Tom looked up from his tablet, then around him, and finally behind him. Tuvok was standing right there, looking down. Behind Tuvok's head, Tom saw the white and pink sky and the constantly flashing clouds.

"What does?" he asked.

"Your leg," Tuvok said, sounding a little annoyed. "How badly does it hurt?"

"Oh, it's..." Tom began, feeling the nonstop throbbing. "Same as before."

A pause.

"Why?" he then asked.

"We may need to abandon our shuttle," Tuvok said. "Of course I still want to hear your opinion."

Tom frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

Tuvok sat down next to him.

"Option one, we wait for the rescue to come to us. We have shelter and rations, and you've proven we can find food as well."

"And option two?"

"We follow Chakotay. He has been gone a long time. My mind would be more at ease if I knew he was unharmed. If we are to wait for Voyager to rescue us, I'd rather it be with all three of us together."

Tuvok had a point there. Tom had been wondering about Chakotay and whether he was doing fine or not. But if Tom was in pain and his movements as difficult as they were, there was very little sense in trying to venture far from the comforts of the shuttle.

"The thought has crossed my mind," he admitted.

"Then I ask again. How badly does your leg hurt?"

Tom had faked his way through a lot in his day but he had been caught almost as much. It was better to be honest this time.

"It's pretty bad," he said, looking down at the ground, feeling guilty.

"I'm not surprised," Tuvok said. "We should do another mind meld."

Tom's eye shot up.

"What, another? Are you supposed to do them so often?"

"Under usual circumstances, no," Tuvok said.

"But aren't they risky? You could get hurt," Tom said.

"Yes, but do you see any other option? Besides me leaving you here, which in turn would defeat the original point of us joining Chakotay."

"I can't lie that it didn't help a great deal," Tom said, "but it's still a mind meld. It's not like you're clicking a hypospray and kissing it better."

"You forget I have been inside your mind," Tuvok said. "Twice, in fact, and without any serious harm."

That was true, Tom had to admit. But it was still highly unusual that a Vulcan would offer a mind meld so readily. Something about it didn't sound right.

"Are you absolutely sure?" he asked.

A nod.

No, Tom didn't feel good about this. He thought about it, then looked at Tuvok's determined face.

"What the hell," Tom finally said, shrugging in defeat. "Welcome."

*

It felt like saying hello to an old friend, Tom thought. He felt the familiar presence, and even when he still felt like his reaction should be like that to an invasion of his privacy, it didn't feel like it.

Again, he was to focus on the pain as if it were an outside being in front of him. He did, and the chasm between him and the pain grew wider, like before, and he felt better. But this time there was something else there with him. He felt agitated and worried, which made no sense because he knew he was as relaxed as he could possibly be. There were flashes of images and emotions, of anger, frustration and fear. There were brief images of Chakotay and Seska, and he saw himself washing up by the lake, only he was looking at it from the outside like he was someone else. His shoulder hurt.

 _What's going on?_ he asked the presence. _Tuvok, why does my shoulder hurt?_

What he felt next was similar to pain, but he felt it all over, like his mind and body were being pulled from different directions. He felt the presence was more distant now and he panicked a little, realizing this wasn't the way things were supposed to go.

 _Tuvok?_ he asked. _Where are you?_

 _Here_ , came the quiet voice, and Tom felt something tearing at his mind, ripping it apart. _Focus on my voice, Tom. Focus._

He tried. He was asked to walk onwards, to come closer to the voice. It became a little louder. Stronger.

_Tuvok, Tom repeated. What is this?_

Tuvok didn't reply, but Tom could feel guilt, and it was a different shade of guilt from what he had felt earlier. It was... it was Tuvok's guilt.

Then it dawned on him. It was so obvious he should have thought of it immediately.

 _It's yours, isn't it?_ he asked. _This is your pain. Your mind. We're not supposed to be here._

He felt something tear at his mind again, and he heard Tuvok's concerned voice. He tried to follow the voice, but suddenly he saw himself from the outside, sitting in Ten Forward and laughing. Then something was pulling him away from the image, from everything around him, and he was alone in the dark.

He opened his eyes and he saw Tuvok, forehead covered in sweat, eyes shut tight. His fingers were still on Tom's face and Tom brushed them off gently, touching Tuvok's shoulder.

"Hey?" he said, worried. "Please tell me you're still in there?"

"I am," Tuvok replied. "Are you in pain?"

"No," Tom said, and that was the truth. His leg and foot felt better than they had in a long while. The pain in his shoulder was gone.

"Good."

Tuvok pulled away from his touch, standing up from where had been kneeling, leaving Tom sit against the wall. He looked shaken.

"You should have told me. Told us," Tom said, looking Tuvok straight in the eye, knowing his voice came out sharper than usual. "You let me use all those painkillers on myself."

"My pain threshold's higher than yours," Tuvok said, raising his chin.

"I _felt_ it, Tuvok," Tom said. "I shared it with you. I shared your memories, even emotions."

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Tuvok said. "My mental blocks should have been stronger."

"I don't give a damn about your mental blocks! You lied."

"I merely left out the truth."

"Same thing."

A pause.

"What else have you been hiding from me?" he asked, the tone of his voice less agitated now. He felt tired, not angry.

"Nothing."

"Wish I could believe you but I don't."

"There is nothing. I dislocated my shoulder during the crash, that is all."

"That is all? You don't even know how crazy that sounds," Tom said, shaking his head.

Tom thought about all the times he had seen Tuvok pull away from his company. He had thought the man simply needed some alone time, like he did, and gathered up strength to deal with whatever the current day had in store for him.

Then he thought about the times Tuvok had pulled his heavy weight around and worked on the shuttle. He had even carried bits of wood for Tom's splint. He didn't know what to say.

"How does it feel now?" he asked after a while.

"Meditation helps," Tuvok replied. "If you'll excuse me, I have to leave you now. I suggest you go rest." He looked tired.

Without any further explanation, he went out, leaving Tom on his own.

Maybe he went to meditate. Maybe it helped with the pain.

But what about all the rest? Was a Vulcan mind supposed to be so full of emotion or was there something else Tuvok was trying to keep from him?

*

Another morning was beginning. They had barely said a word to each other the previous day, and Tom had gone to bed feeling lonelier than he had in a while.

The sun hadn't risen yet, and Tom leaned over Tuvok who was still asleep. He looked calm, like he was awake but only had his eyes closed, but when Tom whispered his name there was no answer, no reaction.

With a medical tricorder, Tom examined Tuvok's shoulder, and the readings didn't seem too bad. It looked like Tuvok was telling the truth when he said he could manage it. There was some damage but nothing was inflamed.

He moved further up, letting the tricorder slide over Tuvok's body, ensuring he didn't miss an inch. When he reached Tuvok's head he stopped to look at the readings. Something wasn't right. He scanned again, and again the results were the same. He crosschecked the database but there was no explanation, no reference to what he was seeing now.

"Wake up," Tom said, looking down at Tuvok. He was greeted by a confused frown as Tuvok opened his eyes, looking up.

"Are you sure you feel ok?" Tom asked, ignoring the fact that Tuvok had barely had time to open his eyes.

"In what sense?" Tuvok asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. "I assure you, my shoulder is well enough."

"Have you had headaches recently?" Tom asked.

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"No." His voice was sharp. "Is there a point to all this?" he asked, sitting up with only a sheet over his legs.

Tom didn't answer. He thought about the mind meld and the flood of emotions that he had known weren't his. He thought about Tuvok's recent behaviour. The readings he got were alarming, especially when combined with the events from the past few days.

"See for yourself," he said, offering the results to Tuvok who looked at them without even the slightest flinch.

"You see it, don't you?" Tom asked.

"Yes."

"How wrong am I to assume you've know about this since we crashed?"

"Not that long," Tuvok said, setting the readings aside. "But I started suspecting it on the first evening."

So, another thing Tuvok had been keeping from him besides the shoulder injury.

"Anything else you'd like to tell me? Maybe about Chakotay?"

Tuvok looked at him, confused. It looked genuine enough.

"Chakotay?" Tuvok asked him.

"Does he know?"

"About my condition? No."

"Do you know if he's fine?"

"I suspect he is," Tuvok said. "He's human and I'm Vulcan. We have differences between our neurological systems, including telepathic abilities. It seems I am the less fortunate one. You've checked yourself, I presume."

Tom nodded. He had. As hard as it sometimes was to believe, his head was in perfect working order.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," he said. "But I'm sure you already know that. You seem to know this doesn't affect humans so you must have checked me."

Tuvok nodded. Tom knew he should have felt offended but he didn't.

There was a long silence between them. It was hard to believe that only a few hours earlier they had shared their minds with each other, in a connection that had made them as good as one with each other. Such a strong, solid bond, and now something had come and driven a wedge between them.

"Do you know what it does?" Tom finally asked. He had his suspicions but it was better to hear it from the man himself.

"Yes, but I'd rather not talk about personal matters."

"I've been to your head, Tuvok," Tom said. "I saw and felt things that weren't mine. How much more personal can you get?"

"Like I said, you weren't supposed to see any of it," Tuvok said, looking uncomfortable as he looked away.

"Well, I did, and I'd bet my walking stick it's all because of that, that.. whatever that condition is."

Tuvok still looked away.

"Even now I can tell you're not yourself," Tom said. "You feel, isn't that it? And the fact that you feel scares you. And Vulcans don't get scared, and I don't need to continue this, do I?"

Tuvok turned his eyes towards Tom.

"Vulcans aren't without feelings," Tuvok corrected him.

"But I'm right, aren't I? You feel too much."

Tuvok's silence was confirmation enough.

"Is there something else?" Tom asked. "I'm no expert on neurochemical imbalances but I would think it affects a number of things."

"Must we talk about this?"

"Yes. Whether you like it or not, I'm your doctor now."

The glare that his comment earned him was slightly disconcerting, coming form a Vulcan who usually never glared.

"There is nothing," Tuvok said. "I have noticed increased difficulties in my impulse control, that is all. With increased meditation I should manage until Voyager rescues us."

"That's all?" Tom asked. "If I were to mind meld with you, I wouldn't find any other hidden secrets, would I?"

"None whatsoever," Tuvok said, and the tone of his voice was that of someone who was done with conversations.

"Good," Tom nodded.

He struggled his way back up, careful not to put too much weight on the hurt ankle, but it went better than he feared. The pain really was more tolerable now, thanks to Tuvok's help.

"I'm going fishing," he said before stepping out. He had tormented Tuvok enough with his interrogation. It was better to let the man rest and fix his pride that had just received a considerable dent.

*

The lake didn't seem to have much variation in what it had to offer, because Tom caught two more of the legless lizard creatures and nothing more. Remembering the off-putting taste, he had released them both back in the water, hoping he hadn't caused them irreparable harm with his equipment.

He tried to peer into the lake, through the grey-coloured water, to see if anything was moving there. There didn't seem to be a single creature there, big or small, and Tom gave up. He fought the urge to take out his phaser and shoot at the lake. He wasn't sure if he would just end up stunning everything that lived there. He would have liked to have something nice to eat but he wasn't willing to commit mass murder over such a minor thing as rations.

Tuvok's suggestion came back to him. The possibility of the two of them leaving their camp site to follow Chakotay's footsteps. It would have been a big challenge with Tom's leg and ankle, but now when they also had Tuvok's shoulder to worry about, Tom wasn't sure it was such a good idea. They had food and shelter here, like Tuvok had pointed out. It seemed unnecessarily foolish to try and go out into that unfamiliar wilderness in their condition.

Tom also knew that they had to do something. This planet was affecting Tuvok and they knew it for a fact. Tom had a feeling it was affecting him as well, despite the medical readings stating otherwise. He hadn't felt like himself for a long time now.

Up until now he had been able to count on Tuvok being the calm and rational one of the two if something should make him feel restless, but now even that comfort had been taken away from him. Who knew what would happen if Tuvok one day got angry and lost control? Tom had never been afraid around Tuvok, but now he had to take even that possibility into consideration.

Tuvok had said that meditation helped. Tom didn't know but he would just have to take the man's word for it. He had to believe it was the truth. If it was, he would do all he could to help him with his meditation.

He had barely reached this decision when the sky suddenly seemed to open over him and rain started pouring heavily down on him.

"Seriously, what is this?" he asked aloud. "Monsoon season?"

He had no choice but to get up and start making his way towards the shuttle as fast as he could. Despite his best efforts, he was soaked once he reached the shuttle. Tuvok was there, looking his usually calm self as he looked up from his tablet.

"I swear, this planet has it in for me," Tom muttered, trying to take off the jacket that clung tightly to his skin, and cursed. He squeezed the fabric, water dripping on the floor, and tried again. This time the jacket let go of its hold and he got it off, wringing the water off it.

"Could you not do that?" Tuvok asked calmly, and Tom gave him a frustrated glare.

"I am going to catch my death in these. Would you even care?" he asked, unsure of why he was being so snarky. It wasn't Tuvok's fault he was soaked. At least not directly.

"Of course," Tuvok said and got up.

Tom was struggling with his clingy undershirt when he felt Tuvok's hands on his sides, pulling at the shirt.

"Arms up," Tuvok said, and Tom was too stunned to do anything but raise his arms. The shirt was off and made a splat when Tuvok threw it on the floor.

Tuvok's hands were on Tom's waistband, but without even thinking Tom pushed his hands away.

"I'm sure I can manage on my own," he said, trying to get the trousers past his hips. This proved problematic when he had his weight mostly on one foot and the fabric was sticking to his skin.

Tuvok raised a brow.

"Ok, fine," Tom said, resigned, and let Tuvok undress him.

It was an odd experience and Tom's thoughts went to Harry. The last time someone had undressed him like this had been a much more pleasant one, with dry clothes and a warm room. Right now the words he would use to describe his situation were cold and miserable. He put his hand on Tuvok's firm shoulder, the unachy one, to keep himself up when he carefully put his weight on the sore ankle for a moment to get out of the trousers that were around one of his ankles.

Soon he was only wearing his underwear, but that was where he drew the line. He didn't wait to see if Tuvok was going to take those off as well, wet or not.

"Thank you, I can do the rest," he said while Tuvok went to get him a blanket.

Tuvok wrapped it tightly around him, rubbing his arms, and it felt nice. Underneath the cover of the blanket, he snaked his way out of the wet underwear and threw them on the pile with the rest of his clothes.

He felt naked. He was naked, he knew that, but he also felt it. It was the first time since they had crash-landed, which was surprising considering he had been naked several times since then. It was something about the fact that Tuvok was so focused on him now that made everything feel different.

"Can you make me something warm to drink?" he asked, if only to get away from Tuvok's prying eye.

Tuvok nodded and turned away. Tom let out a sigh of relief as he made his way to his bed site and dropped himself there.

"I've thought about your situation," he said, trying to move the focus from himself to Tuvok.

"You have?"

"Yeah," Tom said, pulling the blanket closer around him. "We need to get you better."

"I take it you have a solution," Tuvok said. "Highly doubtful but I'm listening."

Once again, it sounded like an insult, but Tom didn't take it as such.

"You said meditation helps you," Tom said, and Tuvok nodded. "I'll help you. I know it's not like mind meld where you combine your thoughts with the other one, but maybe it will help if I join you."

Tuvok seemed to consider his words for a while.

"Perhaps," Tuvok admitted. "It could be beneficial to get a less chaotic vibe off you for once."

"Are you saying I'm not focused enough?" Tom said, half laughing. He knew what Tuvok meant.

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

There was a hint of affection in Tuvok's voice. Under normal circumstances Tom would have found it odd, but he knew now that it was Tuvok's condition that caused it. It was both worrying and pleasant.

"So we'll do it?" Tom asked.

"It can't cause any harm," Tuvok said, bringing him his cup of something warm to drink. It smelled of herbal tea and Tom took a sip. It tasted all right.

He spent the new few moments sipping on the tea and listening to the rain. Tuvok poked at his tablet, no doubt doing one of his many calculations. Tom doubted he was doing anything fun like reading a book or studying Earth history.

The dry blanket and warm tea helped. Tom began to feel a lot better.

"We could try it now, couldn't we?" he asked. "It doesn't have to be outdoors."

Tuvok looked confused for a moment. Then he seemed to understand what Tom meant.

"No, it doesn't," Tuvok admitted.

"Then let's do it."

Tuvok put his tablet aside and crossed his legs.

Tom sat where he was, the blanket still around him. He had no spare clothes to change into and there was no way he could cross his legs yet, not the way his thigh was. He assumed it was the intent that counted, not the position as such.

"Before we start," Tom began. "I'll just say this one thing. You act like emotions are the cause of all evil but you forget that that's everyday life for me. I have to suppress my impulses every day, just like you, or I'd be an idiot on a constant rampage."

Tuvok seemed a little startled but soon regained his composure.

"You may have a point there," he said. "So this could benefit you as well."

Tom thought about it. As usual, Tuvok was probably right.

*

It wasn't like mind meld, Tom thought. There was no sharing of minds. Instead, he went deeper into his own mind, to places he rarely visited, to feelings he spent a lot of time trying to ignore. Now he found himself faced with them, because that's where his mind took him when he wasn't trying to rein it.

He thought of Harry and he thought of Tuvok, and somehow the two melded into one. He saw Harry's smile and he heard the tone of his voice when he dared Tom to do something stupid like offer to gamble with an alien, but then he saw Tuvok's judging gaze, and he smiled to himself. He saw Tuvok without a shirt, meditating, and he saw Tuvok sitting next to him by the fire, his expression peaceful, and he felt Tuvok's touch on his shoulder and then on his side. He heard Tuvok's voice and his dry humour that appeared in places Tom didn't expect it.

There was no aim in Tom's thoughts. He simply let them come as they wanted to come, watching them like an outsider while still feeling all of it. He felt like he was seeing things clearer now than he had in all the time they had been stranded on this planet.

After what felt like forever, he started to wonder where he was, and in his mind he saw his surroundings, the walls of the shuttle, the equipment, and Tuvok. He felt like he was ready to go back there.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Tuvok was sitting still but his eyes were open. He looked like he was thinking about something. This wasn't meditation, Tom thought, and Tuvok looked at him, still without a word, like he was concerned.

 _I shouldn't_ , Tom thought. _I should move away._ But instead he shifted closer to Tuvok until he sat right next to him, their legs touching, and raised his right hand, touching Tuvok's face with his fingers. He couldn't perform mind meld, he knew that, but he felt he needed to do this. He needed to touch him.

Tuvok turned his head and now he was looking straight at Tom, at him, not past him. He looked puzzled, almost a little lost.

Slowly Tom leaned further in and let his lips touch Tuvok's face ever so lightly. Tuvok didn't move away. Instead, he turned his head so that their lips touched, and Tom closed his eyes. With his fingers still around Tuvok's face, thumb on his ear, fingertips in his hair, he kissed Tuvok, and parting his lips, Tuvok kissed him back.

Tom felt a hand on his shoulder as he was pushed back, and he shifted his injured leg so that he could lie on his back, with Tuvok following him, kissing him on the side of his mouth, his chin, and moving down along his throat. Tom let out a low moan and dug his fingers in Tuvok's short hair, pulling him down against his chest.

He felt the blanket being removed from between them and he was naked, but none of it mattered. This was everything.

Tuvok's hand slid against Tom's side, grasping at his hip, and Tom moved himself against the hand. He felt Tuvok's lips on his stomach, going lower, fingers playing with the curly hair, and then Tuvok was touching his cock with his hand, pulling at it gently, and Tom gasped, opening his eyes.

"Wait, stop," he said, turning his eyes up at the ceiling. Tuvok's lips were warm on his hip and he felt a shiver go up and down his spine. He resisted the urge to push against Tuvok's lips. He needed to stay stern.

Tuvok respected his wish and stopped. Tom turned his face to look at the man kneeling between his legs, and he saw the question on his face.

"You're not yourself, you don't know what you're doing," Tom said. "You'll regret this. I can't be part of something that ruins you."

"What makes you think I'm not myself?" Tuvok asked, fingers idly brushing at the skin on Tom's uninjured leg, and he didn't sound any more emotional than he usually was.

"This," Tom said. "All of this."

"Has the possibility occurred to you that this is me?"

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"Then let me decide for myself," Tuvok said, sounding as reasonable as he had ever been, before reaching out to press a hand on his cheek and leaning in to kiss him. "I know what I'm doing."

"Stop," Tom said between kisses.

"I will not," Tuvok said and pressed his lips against the side of Tom's neck.

"You're too emotional," Tom said, heart racing. "It's this planet, it's making you lose your control."

"I know," Tuvok said, pulling away a little and looking down at Tom. Tom met his eyes. "That is why you should know that I want this."

It sounded logical. It made sense. It may not have been a reasonable thing to do but it was how things were.

So Tom gave up and put his hand behind Tuvok's neck, pulling him down for a kiss. If they both wanted this, there was no point in resisting.

He slid his hand underneath Tuvok's undershirt and felt Tuvok's warm skin and muscles against his fingertips. He pulled down at the waistband of Tuvok's trousers with both hands, freeing Tuvok's cock that was already semi hard. He took it between his palm and fingers and felt how Tuvok thrusted his hips against Tom's hand. He felt a rush of blood at the thought of having a calm, rational Vulcan at his mercy and smiled to himself, giving the man another squeeze, earning a soft sigh in return.

"Maybe you should," Tom began, but he didn't finish. Tuvok was already pulling them off, and after them the shirt, until he was naked, looking down at Tom.

"All that sexy skin covered in a uniform all day long," Tom said, grinning, his finger drawing circles against Tuvok's lower stomach. "And no one to appreciate it."

He could swear he saw a hint of smile before Tuvok came down on top of him, letting his tongue slide slowly against Tom's chest, then playing with his right nipple, teeth tugging at it, until Tom let out a whimper.

Tuvok propped up his upper body on his arms and looked down at Tom. He looked smug, like he'd won something.

"How's the shoulder?" Tom asked, glancing at it.

"I barely even notice it," Tuvok replied, and this time Tom believed him. As if to prove this, Tuvok bent down again, bending his arms, no visible trouble in holding his weight up. He bit at the other nipple, then licked it, the cool air hitting the wet skin, and Tom sighed.

He moved himself under Tuvok, grinding his cock against Tuvok's, freeing his better leg and twisting it behind Tuvok's for even closer contact. He bit at Tuvok's chin, moving his lips along the skin, hearing Tuvok's heavy breathing and feeling it on his skin. He slid his hand between them, getting a hold of Tuvok's cock and pressing it, then pulling at it rhythmically, faster than he would himself. Tuvok's breathing became doubly heavy but there was still a sense of control.

Tom nibbled at Tuvok's ear lobe, letting the tip of his tongue travel along the edge. He felt Tuvok press harder against his hand and smiled. He took his hand away and pulled his uninjured leg up, vaguely aware of the slight pain in his other leg. He dug his fingers deep against Tuvok's buttocks, forcing him closer.

"Wish I could have you inside me," he whispered in Tuvok's ear, kissing the side of his face, and he could feel Tuvok tense up slightly. Then he felt a hand on his hip, fingertips pressing at his flesh, sliding underneath his thigh and pushing his leg up.

Instinctively, he lifted the achy thigh. It hurt but it didn't matter. Tuvok pushed himself up and immediately Tom missed his weight and the warmth of his skin on his chest, reaching his hand out to touch Tuvok's arm. Tuvok put a finger briefly in his mouth, taking it out, and then Tom felt the finger half inside him, and he groaned. He hadn't expected Tuvok to even know of this, but then he felt the finger joined by another one, and he threw his head back, biting his lip, cursing. Oh, he knew.

When Tuvok finally pushed inside him, he didn't know where to put his hands, so he just grasped at the sheets underneath him. Tuvok's hand against the underside of his injured thigh hurt, but then it was replaced by a wholly different pain as Tuvok thrusted deeper in him, once, twice, and then he felt a hand on his cock, tugging at it in unison with the thrusts, thumb caressing the tip, and he thought he would come right then.

"Don't," he managed. "Not yet." He put his hand on Tuvok's, and Tuvok let go of his hold, but he didn't stop pushing against Tom's hips, each move making him whimper and moan.

"Fuuck," he said, trying to reach for Tuvok's wrist. Tuvok leaned in closer, still inside him. There was a peculiar look on his face, like he was amused by Tom.

"You still think I don't know what I'm doing?" Tuvok asked him. It took Tom a while to understand what those words even meant, and he smiled as he remembered his own words.

"Come here," he said, and Tuvok reached down, his face only inches away from his, his eyes a little hazy. Tom raised his hand against his cheek. "A man could fall in love with you," he said, and he realized he was being earnest. Tuvok said nothing, only kissed him gently before pulling away and pushing himself deep in Tom, hard and forceful, and Tom let out a cry. He tried grasping at his cock but Tuvok stopped him, pushing his hand away.

Instead, he took a hold of it himself, pulling and twisting at it, the pace growing faster at each thrust, and Tom couldn't do anything but dig his nails in his sheets and cry as he felt himself spill all over Tuvok's hand and his stomach, his voice loud in the shuttle.

He could feel a pleasant wave of content all over his body, and he looked up at Tuvok. He nodded slightly, giving Tuvok permission, and Tuvok took a firmer grasp of his thighs and pounded against him faster now, each movement sharper and stronger than the last, and Tom felt like he was about to get hard again.

And then Tuvok came, letting out a sound Tom hadn't imagined ever hearing; that of a Vulcan having an orgasm, and he knew he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again. When Tuvok came down to lay next to him, out of breath, Tom reached out to touch his face with his fingertips and smiled. It almost looked like Tuvok was smiling back at him.

*

He'd fallen asleep. It hadn't been Tom's intention, but he had known it would happen. When he woke up, he had a blanket on, but he couldn't remember pulling it on.

Still naked, Tom got up, leaning his body weight against the wall as we hopped to where his walking stick was. He checked the shuttle but Tuvok wasn't there. Picking up the blanket, he stepped out, cool morning air brushing against his skin as he covered himself with the blanket.

Tuvok wasn't behind the shuttle, either, where he used to do his meditation.

"Tuvok?" Tom half shouted, but he didn't get an answer. Instead of walking back inside the shuttle to find a comm link, he walked around the now familiar surroundings.

Finally he found Tuvok by the lake. He was wearing only his trousers, his feet bare, wiping his arms with his undershirt as a towel. He gave Tom a brief glance before turning towards the water again. Over their heads, the sky was dark pink, indicating the sun would rise soon. The low crackles from the lightnings felt almost calming.

"Hi," Tom said, suddenly feeling a little uncertain. He didn't know if he should go to Tuvok and give him a kiss or stay well away from him.

"Did you sleep well?" Tuvok asked, and his voice gave Tom no hint of what was going on inside his mind.

"Yes," Tom said. "You?"

"Better than usual," Tuvok said. Was that a hint of warmth Tom sensed?

"So..." Tom said, not finishing his sentence.

"Did I hurt you?" Tuvok asked, and finally he turned around.

For a brief moment Tom was confused. Then he realized Tuvok must have meant his leg.

"No," he said, and he meant it. His leg, for all the rough handling it had received, felt relatively good. "No, no. Anything but." A smile. Which somehow felt stupid.

"Good."

Suddenly, they heard a comm link coming alive, and Tuvok took one from his pocket. They heard a familiar voice.

"This is Voyager. Tuvok, Tom, are you there?"

Finally.

"Captain," Tuvok said with restraint Tom couldn't understand because he felt quite overwhelmed by everything. By the night before, by the fact that they had just heard Captain Janeway's voice, by everything. "It's good to hear your voice," Tuvok finished.

"Likewise. Unfortunately we can't use the transporter so we can't beam you out of there, but we will send a shuttle," Janeway said, as if this was all just another regular mission to her. She had no idea what was going on and what had happened. "Don't worry, we have made the required adjustments so your unfortunate accident won't be repeated."

Tom was reminded of the incident that had started all this, and he still felt guilty for putting them in this situation. Even when it had never been his intention or even something he thought possible. Not with his skills, anyway.

"Chakotay isn't with us," Tom chimed in, trying to focus on the present. "He's out looking for a way to make contact with you. We don't know how far he's gotten by now."

He looked at Tuvok but couldn't read the expression on his face.

"We are aware of that," Janeway said. "We have located his signal and informed him that the rescue team is on its way."

That was good to know. He knew Chakotay was the kind of man who could take care of himself in just about any situation imaginable but one never knew with a foreign planet, especially one with such changing conditions as this one. It seemed they wouldn't have to leave the shuttle and go find Chakotay, after all.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Tuvok asked.

"Just wait for us and we'll be there. It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours."

"Very well."

"I'll see you soon," Janeway finished before breaking the connection.

Tom looked at Tuvok, uncertain. He was glad that they would soon be back on Voyager and meet Chakotay again, and Harry and the others, but it also meant that their time on this planet was over. In a matter of hours they would step back on Voyager and see their own quarters again. Their own showers. Their own, private beds.

"That was great news," he said, and mostly he meant it. Mostly.

"Yes," Tuvok said.

A silence. Tom looked at Tuvok. He seemed like he was a little out of balance, focused on the undershirt in his hand.

"What now?" he asked, hoping Tuvok understood his question.

"We go home," Tuvok answered, looking up.

"And?"

"I do not know."


End file.
